I wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to pick one thing.
I guess it makes sense to start at the bottom, at my feet. I'd change my feet. According to my sister they look like hands— fingers are too straight. Moving on to my legs, I’d change these two along with my hips, cheeks, arms and ... Oh no, my baby size, I mean, new born, I mean, fetus size ears. My eyes. Come on papis! Why brown? The funny thing is, my mother told me when I was a baby, I had this huge, blue eyes. Not anymore mother, not anymore. Maybe I'm being a little too superficial here. It's actually quite interesting, how every change I naturally thought about was external. When I told Mr. Bon, my Innovation Academy teacher, I’d be writing about the “one thing I would change about myself” in this week’s blog post, he tapped me in the head suppressing a giggle and ran off. Mr. Bon, what did you mean by that? That I’m what? Stubborn? Cause I’m not. I’m simply determinate not to change my position in an argument unless fully convinced. I can live with the fact that I’m simply a little more committed than everyone else not to loose my stand. What I’d seriously like, no, what I’d seriously love to change about myself, is the fact that I care too much. Way too much. About what? About everything, about nothing, I don’t know. All I know, is my mind is never at rest. Sometimes at night, after hours of replaying conversations, recapping uncomfortable situations and coming up with a ton of responses I will never use, my body continues to push back sleep. As I readjust myself on bed, in my typical fetus position, I start to ponder: Would it be better not to care? Then I picture myself coming back to school like a completely different person. As a stranger with a new mindset, a new attitude– like that girl who no longer cares at all. Would it be better? Quite tempting actually. I wouldn’t overthink every. single. detail. I wouldn’t create problems and scenarios in my head that weren't even there in the first place. I admire how most of my friends are just so “chill” about things— whatever happens simply happens. I want that. People don’t understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in my head when I don’t even understand it myself. I want my brain to shut up; I want to stop feeling pressured. But I know shutting all emotions isn’t the answer. I've got to find a balance, between caring and well… not. If I did find this balance, maybe some of the physical changes I currently want wouldn’t matter anymore. Maybe my ears’ ultra small size wouldn’t bother me any longer. Maybe I wouldn’t give a damn about being stuck with this baby face. Maybe I’d fall asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. Maybe. How do I find this balance? I don't know yet. What I do know at the moment, is the answer to my initial question. If I could choose to change one thing about myself, it would be that imbalance between caring and well, not.
2 Comments
Dharma
9/16/2015 10:13:10 am
Daniela, I really enjoyed reading this blog post. I admired how you talked to yourself and the reader back and forth a bit in this post, and therefore us the readers were able to relate to you, because of how you described everything. One thing I think you could work on for you next post is maybe you can give some examples that aren't just about you. What I mean by that is that you could try giving other examples of how sometimes things change, or people want to change things about the world, or society or something like that. Another thing that I think could use some work is your use of punctuation. For example, you say "...person—a stranger—with a new mindset, a new look, with a new soul; like that girl who no longer cares at all." Here, I think you could revise how you use dashes and semicolons. Other than that, I think you did a great job on this blog post and I liked that it was personal. Good job! :)
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Bon
9/16/2015 01:04:26 pm
Dani, if there's one thing you shouldn't change is the caring piece. Yes it must feel heavy at times, but you simply cannot suppress it. What you can do though is to try and channel it. There are some things worth worrying and thinking about in life, but others not. You'll need to learn how to make that distinction. Most importantly though you'll need to define it more. I just don't believe it's about everything and nothing sounds too vague. I bet you can find patterns in those thoughts. That's the first step to inner peace.
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Daniela Ontaneda16 year old Junior at Colegio Franklin Delano Roosevelt who's taking the IB diploma program. Archives
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Future Blog Posts:
-Free to Learn by Peter Gray reflection
- If you could change someone's life - If you could change one thing about yourself - Should students be allowed to grade their teacher - What happens after death? - Are precognitions and deja vu different? - Mysteries of the mind - Mentalism - The positive of experiencing pain - What is existentialism -Impact of media on society |